August 26

we're dousing an office seat
with gasoline and carosine
Eric, Jillibean, and me
then we're running from the scene
being spotted by police
they alert the team
as we're escaping the scene
we hear the sirens scream
a nearby father and daughter
are particularly bothered
judging by the way the hollers
and shakes his knuckles
strap on your seatbuckle
we're driving through honey suckles
like we stole the Carbuncle
from the middle of the jungle
and Erics only thought
is if we got the shot
running from the cops
trying not to get caught
Don't worry I got it
I say pulling into parking pocket
now the only problem
is getting the camera...I forgot it

August 25

so here I am
writing again
pen in my hand
writing again
my Pentel RSVP
is drying again
I snap it angrily
for drying again
it's a little gloomy
under this lighting I'm in
I get moody
in lighting like this
nobody reads these
aside from my friends
the inks leaking
down the side of my pen
feeling congested
I sit on the can
still taking suggestions
as I sit on the can
as to the rhyme
I'm writing again
it's my Hyphy life
I'm writing again

August 24

My throats dry like
a Sahara night
my pipelines are as ripe
as dried french fries
cooked on high
ten to five
too long despite
the manager shouting "Fire!"
mucus is coming out
like Lance Bass from the closet
it's dripping down my mouth
like a broken faucet
my head feels as light
as a hummingbird mid-flight
and it feels like spikes
are probing behind my eyes
being sick sucks
like getting hit by a truck
and then getting dumped
and then getting jumped
bu a raving bum
then getting stun-gunned
and then getting punched
all at once

August 23

I got a new bong
not long like King Kong
in the shape of a shlong
it's shaped like a bomb
and it hits me quite strong
and does my head wrong
even Cheech and Chong
would be calmed
I followed the footsteps
of Jilly and Jeff
from one shop to the next
checking all kinds of heads
until we stumbled across
one with golden gloss
skulls and cross-bones
and that was the one I bought
and took it home to be tested
and it was quite a present
that took me right to heaven
and then to Seven Eleven
cuz I had the munchies
oh man was I hungry
so ya in case you were wondering
that's what happened on the 23

August 22

"You're going straight to Hell"
that's what they tell me
those who are helping
ensure the babies melting
Jake's got the cam
trying not to laugh
like an outright maniac
in a room of laughing gas
Eric and I are wearing rags
like a Gihad from Iraq
as he passionately stabs
the baby doll in the back
corn syrup and red dye
fly all over my white nikes
but it can't mask the delight
of killing something not alive
I clean up a lil'
and then we just chill
pass Jake a bill
to get some Coors and Mill's
then we discuss
the finishing touches
cuz if hell is my judgement
might as well have fun then

August 21

Walking down white tiled aisle
past assorted movie titles
a generic screen by Ilo
displaying American Idol
like a knight my quest
to find the best
price to invest
and the clerk suggests
a Sony HDD2
which is an excellent tool
with 100X zoom
and it records in true
1080p high
with a 3CCD eye
the only thing more alive
is real life
but as sweet as it seems
I don't have the cheese
to drop near a G
even for 3 CCDs
so I went with a bland brand
just got a Handy Cam
if you look at it the way I am
They are both from Japan

August 20

the people all chant
how I am a bamf
and if your IQ can't grasp
the abbreviation, ask
and you'll discover
it's a bad ass mother trucker
sucka emcee
the bamf is me
I don't need cheese
to be such an O.G.
I've got teeth made of gold
you're denchured and old
my stick is a pole
and yours is more like a mole
the mothertruckin fact
is that I'm a bamf
with a swelling sack
get back, get back
verbally delicious
I get all the misses
they call me Dishes
a.k.a. Siditious

August 19

the glorious mountain line
rises and spikes like
the music from Joe's Ipod device
equalized before our eyes
I'm surprised at the event
of a passerby being sent
careening into a ditch
via head on accident
it's inhabitants location
our place of destination
a Silverwood vacation
for Eric, Joe, David, me, and Clayton
in rotation at higher elevation
than the Russian space station
with less gravitation
and more stomach agitation
nearing a hundred degrees
we head to boulder beach
to ride the lazy reef
behind a team in bikini briefs
feeling quite tarnished
we head to the olive garden
discuss the territories charted
then it's back to where we started

P.S. this was an extremely eventful day that could have easily filled three rhyme diaries, I unfortunately had to limit it to this very straightforward diary

August 18

to my dearest reader
I couldn't apologize sweeter
for the lack of rhyming meter
in my hyphy rhyme theater
I hope you aren't offended
it was not my intention
to solicit your attention
with my hyphy life invention
but with that being said
I blame the internet
lacking ability to connect
to the World Wide Web
from hence forth I'll do my best
keeping current up to the sec
while staying fresh with new depth
for all ages of whatever sex
and if you simply cannot handle
being without my rhyming rambles
than you may simply cancel
reading these delectable samples
your feedback is welcome
more often than seldom
I'm not Willie Nelson
I'm Siditious

August 17

it's the next day
and I wait on this porch
to pray for a way
to soften her retorts
she won't answer my calls
or open her door
oh my Lord
it's near four in the morn
and my apologies
are piling sloppily
losing quality
in mad quantity
my efforts seem hopeless
uncomfortably dozing
my heart is near broken
when the door creaks open
her pretty face
twisted in rage
and I start to say
"I've been thinking all day
and I realized the truth
is I'd rather turn blue
or die from the bird flu
than be without you

August 16

My hearts palpitating
irritated from instigating
times evaporating
tensions elevating
my heart it starts
to tear apart
not a Hallmark card
could pardon or discard
this feeling on the boulevard
a picturesque striped car
parked sloppily door part
ajar, the meadowlarks
bark, the repetition
similar to me hitting send
and with precision
she's hitting end, end
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm dumb and naive
I'm sorry I'm sorry
let me in please
neighbors peak out their screens
as I sit in defeat
feeling like a creep
in need of Jillibean

August 15

the stress hits my brain
like acid rain drops
filling up the space
until the membrane pops
my favorite strain
of Mary Jane may contain
novacane under flame
to make the pain stop
aimlessly I walk
stopping in random shops
trying to find a spot
to recollect my thoughts
gotta pause to think
what I want and need
it seems I've lost that thing
my Jillibean
gotta take a day off
just to pause
and scratch my thoughts
for what I really want
gotta take a day off
just to pause
and scratch my thoughts
for what I really want

P.S. yes I repeated the last four lines twice, it was for repetition and not out of laziness okay

August 14

the setting a crowded
University cafeteria
I'm drinking Power-aid
that's colder than Siberia
what's the criteria?
Dad's equipping me
with his experience
and the days clear enough
to his the green
of the folfing scene
and throw eighteen holes
just Dad and me
curving Innova frisbees
through gaps in the trees
I'm surprised to see
his expertise
and it's sad to see
my family leave
but it's how it has to be
so I happily
embrace the change
and seize the day
to say drive safe
and thanks for everything

August 13

I wish I could fly
let white Nikes glide
from gray street side
to silver skies
but I'm just a dude
with no rocket boots
or cool attributes
like Dr. Doom
I wish I was a genius
who was well endowed
but it's quite grievous
to see I'm just a clown
whose not world renown
like James Brown
with gown and crown
the king of funky town
I wish I was invincible
invisible
indivisible
indispensable
wish I was the principle
CEO or president
to set the precedent
but I'm just human

August 12

watch your step
and do your best
to catch your breath
let the world catch up
mustard and ketchup
pickles and relish
I kinda need to vent
I feel like a monkeywrench
Eric and I went
to the demo derby to vent
watch some rims get bent
and twisted worthless
but the tension in my chest
caused from stress
has yet to defect
and in retrospect yes
I didn't handle things the best, true
that I will confess to
now I'm in a depressed mood
maybe I just need some rest dude
I'll catch up with you tommorow
just need to sleep and think
I'll catch up with you tommorow
once I figure out things

August 11

I slam the door to the bath
and the shower rack collapses
and glass crashes
into crystal fragments
try to clean the ashes
then slip under the stream
of shower water to clean me
which is like three hundred degrees
meanwhile I hear a door creak
and sneak a peak
right before Jilly leaves
the last time we will meet
and the allusion exceeds
the confines of the week
this relation has peaked
and met defeat
I'd still like to try
but why?
deep inside I realize
it's time to say goodbye
thanks for everything
it was amazing
it's getting hard to think
must be going crazy

August 10

Hobo Joe
has no home
he roams alone
in search of gold
I told Hobo Joe
to hit the road
but Hobo Joe
came back fo' mo'
he was in the war
he emplores
he swore and swore
it's why he's poor
you hobo dick
hit the road quick
I'm getting pissed
controlling my fists
"just twenty five cents
and I'll get" he insists
but I know his tricks
these bums are sick
I hold the phone
with the dial tone
and Hobo Joe knows
it's time to go

August 9

Running down endless stairs
broken down from wear
as I step down they tear
and float away like feathers
suspended in air
blinded by the moons glare
I crash at a fair
but there's no one anywhere
but an AK grippin' M&M
whose quite unsensitive
I find out as I'm pistol whipped
for no apparent reason
defenseless against
his intense intent
my doom is emminent
hidden behind electric fence
I can sense him closing
in, hear the tip-toeing
wakes me in the morning
feeling lightheaded
and somewhat flustered
I eat new Just Bunches
with no Honey Clusters

(the perfect environment to read this rhyme diary would be listening to Postal Service or Boards of Canada immediately after watching the movie Paprika)

8-8-08

the blue sky assumes
my convoluted mood
muddled and confused
like the melting cumulus
I swear and cuss just
before my head combusts
my brain in pain
when it rains it dumps
the words goodbye
slice and cut
I wanna say goodbye but...
I'll see you at lunch
staring at the television
my eyes cemented
to the opening of the olympics
trying to pay attention
embarassed I haven't mentioned
even a single sentence
of how 8-8-08
is my moms birthdate
and I think we should make
the most of today
no complaints just appreciate
8-8-08

AUGUST 6

The smell of cotton candy
mixed with hot dogs and brandy
my toes are sandy
ehibit attendant handing
out scrumptious free treats
and nifty chains for free
that read
come see our sheep
but I'd rather embark
to a part with the art
of homegrown artichoke hearts
then to bumper cars
and the hammer shark
until after dark
the starlit park
filled with country guitar
the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
whose fans lined the trash cans
with empty Pabst cans
as they square danced

(I had to rewrite this stupid poem four times because my internet kept bailing out)

August 5

Floating down the river
with a professional stripper
sippin' on a Pibber
spoiling my liver
we were just on the creek
on black rubber seats
bathing in Vitamin D
beyond necessity
bouncing with the current
as our skin starts burning
we hit some fast currents
and I'm in the water gurglin'
bouncing off rocks
I get clocked in the noggin'
there's 15 seconds of darkness
like Michael Jackson's closet
Want a beer
a what?
a beer!
is it cold?
of course its cold
and I was sold
feeling ninety years old
after such an intense float

August 4

Gordon pumps his hands
as his son hits a grand slam
into the stands
to crown them regional champs
and in an instant no sound
is drowned by crowds freaking out
in the stands feet pound
and he's on a cloud
his little league dream
comes to a screech
for all but the other team
it's all over
grow another year older
the shoulders sink lower
on pinstriped soldier
just think of the amount
you've inspired this town
turn that frown upside down
and be proud!
whether you're a star
who hits the ball out of the park
you'll always be a part
of our hearts

August 3

this hyphy year
is halfway through
and this right here
is my rhyme review
Jake and I begged the truth
of what do I mean to you
we monched a few shrooms
and viewed pandas on kung fu
my folks in Boston
me in Spocompton
Missoula and Austin
with an accomplice
haven't talked to that ****
for around two months
meanwhile this little crush
has become a little more
and what's in store
that hasn't happened before
will I open another door
revealing a dude w/no drawers
or get bit by a viscious dog
and contract chicken pox
it'll be delicious
or my name ain't Siditious

August 2

I feel overjoyed
like a silly schoolboy
with a new toy
of my choice
when I hear her voice
I melt
her grace and poise
I can't avoid
she sure is swell
and that's heartfelt
I dunno how I dealt
with anyone else
she's an extra sweet
strawberry Jillibean
I dream in peace
knowing she's with me
she's my inspiration
my salvation
she's the culmination
of all life's greatness
I'm quite complacent
holding her hand
her every statement
is my command

August 1

Hobo Joe
has no home
has no dough
or socks on his toes
Hobo Joe
has no control
where the wind blows
you know
with eager eyes
he begs for a slice
of pizza pie
but gets denied
since his demands
are being panned
he craps his pants
and naps in the grass
Hobo Joe
you gotta go
and if you don't
we'll call the Po's
mad as a bat
he packs his crap
into a sack
and he doesn't look back

July 31

Somedays when you awake
don't you get the urge to take
a shank to the trache
and then the vertebrae
let spray cells and brains
into an open space
just to entertain
oneself on the subway train
or on a plane
to another state
wouldn't it be great
to stab with a steak
knife or slice some guy
in his thigh and side
and through his eye
pull out his insides
try to tame your rage
but if it escapes the cage
join the ranks of crazed
Canadian dudes
who decapitate dudes
cut their heads loose
taunt cops and the news
dude. it could happen to you

P.S. (This was solely based on the random Canadian bus rider murder, if you haven't heard about it you should definitely check it out, it's F***ed up

July 30

Baby we should break up
I'll wait up
to make up
cuz I love
when our lips touch
such a rush
to make love
to ya
I get scared
without you there
unaware
if she cares
for this pair
she's so fair
I feel bare
without you there
and when our fights
last overnight
I lie
to save my pride
say "It's alright"
but realize
how much I like
her in my life

July 29

Surprised by her answer
"Fine" was the final word
now let's work backwards
to find the price in hurt
rewind the film
to find them standing still
paused they feel
like condensation on the windowseal
once high as a cloud
by the taste of her mouth
he values the drought
before the rain comes down
"You're being ridiculous"
"You're being a dick" she says
"I can't stick with this
if you can't bend a bit"
She's broken like glass
shattered as she asks
to call this act a wrap
and go back to single man
surprised by the answer
"Fine" was the final word
and shortly there after
he realized how much she mattered

July 28

Our entire timeline
lay petrified alive
before my eyes
as a fossilized society
a wide variety
explaining in bones
evolution in entirety
back to the age of stones
and as we get less ancient
to the historical basis
of our countries natives
I gaze in amazement
getting more contemplative
by the display adjacent
filled with once famous
movie costume changes
Illuminated aquarium
and a planetarium
it's historical hysteria
in the Bozeman area
there's a memorable element
with Jilly and her relatives
and all that is definite
all else is irrelevant

July 27

It's 9:02
and I've come to conclude
from this third story view
overlooking McDonalds roof
I am the world
as it will be remembered
and she is the sun
acting as my center
I see my family in the stars
glowing like embers
in a warm fireplace
in late late December
and from the third floor
I can hear the Lord
saying "We're down in score
but we're winning this war
be a servant of sorts
and open more doors
for the elderly of course
just find random chores"
an immaculate chorus
louder than a Tyrannosaurus
stronger than Chuck Norris
will reward you for your torments

P.S. (today I arrived in Bozeman with Jilly)